Shuffle

I am going to stop calling you a white man and I'm going to ask you to stop calling me a black man.

Jacob, you have a bug in your computer. I mean a real bug.

Chess is like checkers on steroids.

I don't have a favorite musical group. I like it when the voices in my head sing.

Nick: Listen, man, I just wanted to let you know that I've learned a lot and...
Grissom: I'll be back in four weeks; stop hugging me.
Nick: ...Yes sir.

My nose is running.
And my feet are smelling. They traded places.

Talking to Mr. Richardson when he was wearing a yellow and orange striped shirt
You look like a rubber duck!

Talking to Lamar
Watching you do Spanish is like watching wood petrify.

A half-truth is a whole-lie. I just made that up. Quote me.

Mr. Richardson: I've got a headache right behind my eye.
Olivia: If I had a head like, that I would, too.

Stewart: You can't do the same design twice!
Mr. Richardson: Oh, I'm sorry. But y'all have the attention span of a gnat.

Philip: What kind of Powerades do you guys have?
David: We have orange, purple, and red.
Philip: What flavor is the orange one?
David: Orange.
Philip: I know, but what flavor is it?

How old is a century?

David: That's the most idiotic thing I have ever heard, Corey.
Mr. Richardson: Stick around, he'll say something to top it.

Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed, there are many rewards. If you disgrace yourself, you can always right a book.

Mr. Richardson: Yeah, I'm Irish.
Skye: I thought that you were Catholic.

Mr. Richardson: Jacob, can I be your STAR teacher?
Jacob: Don't you have to teach something?

Misty: Swart, your shirt's kind of out of luck.
Coach Davis: Kinda like his ability to pass Geometry.

Olivia: Why is everyone leaving?
Mr. Richardson: Because you had your arms up.

Talking to Mr. Richardson
I found your mom. Holds up a picture of an ostrich.

Ms. Stokes: Boats float. Bolts sink.
Dayton: But not on land.

Daniel: Are there really policewomen? I never knew that.
Amanda: Yeah, women had to step in because men weren't smart enough.
Jacob: Is that what happened to nurses as well?
Daniel: I like this kid; he's fast!

[Stokes mumbling coherently]
Jacob: Stokes.
Stokes: What?
Jacob: Shut up.
Stokes: No, because I am joyful!

Don't come over here. I'm allergic to red hair and freckles.

Alexis: Jerk.
Jacob: So's your face.
Alexis: That's not funny.
Jacob: So's your face!
Alexis: Crap!
Jacob: So's your face!

Jacob: Curiosity kills the cat.
Mr. Richardson: Not reliably.

Stokes: Hey, Jacob, that looks like your writing.
Jacob: That's because it is.
Stokes: Oh.

If Kelsey ever had a thought, it died of loneliness.

Lane: Jacob's cutting corners!
Jacob Johnson: I'm not cutting corners. I'm shaving edges!

How do you spell "dofus"?

Is Spanish a foreign language?

Mr. Richardson: I'm going to ask Mrs. Stokes if I can take the entire Spanish class to El Rodeo's on cinco de mayo.
Lamar: When's that?

I don't like toilet paper on my desk.

Y'all should be proud of me; I read a book all on my own.

Bates: No, you take the 128 and the 134 and subtract them from 360. And you get arc MN. Then you divide that by two and get P!
Jacob: Go Bates!
Denetra: You started to sound like Roeland.

Denetra: That makes so much sense!
Misty: Yeah, that makes a lot of sense!
Bates: Wait, what happened? I missed it.
Misty: What happened to smart Bates?
Bates: I don't know; I was just daydreaming about the Mighty Ducks.

I growed smart!

Davis: That a way to think out of the box.
Bates: There's a box to think out of?

Jacob: [So's your face.]
Stokes: Whatever, man. I don't even care about that game anymore.
Lamar: It's not a game. It's a way of life.

Okay, I got to say some stupid stuff today so that you can put it on the Internet. I don't have enough.

Robert reminds me of a fat, old orangutan.

I really kicked butt on that writing [test].

Mr. Richardson: WE'RE PLAYING THE QUIET GAME!
Jacob: I think you lost.

Mr. Richardson: Now remember: who's watching you?
Kindergartens: The Easter Bunny!
Mr. Richardson: And Mrs. Stokes.

Why are y'all opening my door and wondering around? It's not the Roman Catholics we have to worry about it. It's the roamin' students!

Mr. Richardson: It was when that hair went out of style! HA HA HA HA HA!
Andrew: At least I got hair.
Everybody: HA HA HA HA HA!
Mr. Richardson: Shut up. That's not funny.

Touch my butt and see if it's sweating.

The world is falling! The world is falling! Oh wait, it's the sky. The sky is falling! I messed that up.

As one of his cameramen gets into a furnace
Question: What can you put in an airport incenerator?
Answer: Yes.

You know what I just noticed? Your name starts with a J and Jessie's name starts with a J.

I said something really fast and really "smartical".

I gotta go to town; I got two women waiting on me.

Jacob: Don't hide behind me; I'll duck when your mom comes after you.
Jessica: Then I'll goose.

You know if I had a dollar every time I saw you, I'd have about 10 dollars.

Aaron: Man, I'm gonna be late for school.
Mr Richardson: So will I. My lights don't work on my car so I'll have to hold a flashlight out my window.

Andrew: Mr. Richardson, I just finished Module 4.
Mr. Richardson: Good, now you only have til yesterday to finish Module 5.

Mr. Richardson: What's that sound?
Dani: That's Lamar being normal.

Ford: Arthur, I say we go.
Arthur: Go, on a hunch by a man whose brain is fueled by lemons?!?

Have a nice day, sir.
Person leaves
Idiot.

Tapping his head...
Something's clicked, dude. I'm getting smart.

[While the light is flashing quickly]
Blink blink blink blink blink.
[While the light is flashing slower]
Blink. Blink. Blink. Blink.
[While the light is off]
No blink. No blink. No blink.

Mr. Richardson: Where's a school gunmen when you need one?
Alexis: That's mean!
Mr. Richardson: It was directed toward Dani, though.

Nobody likes me anymore. I'm going to go sit in the dirt and eat worms.

I dreamed I was in the Matrix.

Jacob: Move your right elbow toward your face.
Alexis: Ok, um, right elbow. Move it to my face.
Jacob: Now, whose bottle is that in your hand?
Alexis: Mine.
Jacob: And whose is that?
Alexis: Andrew's.
*pause*
Alexis: EW!!!

Jacob: Actually, the dodo, I think, survived into the 1800s until it was hunted to extinction.
Jessie: Then how did they survive the ice age with only 3 melons?

6th Grader: Mr. Richardson, you smell good.
Mr. Richardson: Clean socks. You should try it some time.

Mr. Richardson: I'm locking the door. I expect it be shut and the lights off.
Jacob: And if we don't?
Mr. Richardson: You will die.

I'm not paying attention, today.

Alexis: Ain't there a saying, "God has a sense of humour"?
Mr. Richardson: He proved that on your birthday.

[talking to me]
I'll be your girlfriend, if you help me pass.

Davis: I skipped the first section because I like y'all.
Misty: You like us?
Davis: Not really.

Dr. Dillard: If you were digging gold in the mountain, who would be antagonist?
Jessica: The dwarfs?

Alexis: Did that C-Word [Czechoslavkia] come out with vodka?
Coach Fulton: Um, no. That's usually associated with Russia.
Michael: Lexi, you have sunk to a new low.

[Andrew is making a catfish noise]
Andrew, are you satisfied? Is that the last sound you want to hear upon heading into eternity?

Some smart dude a long time ago came up with it.

*hiccup* *burp*

What's an untraceable poison, Liquid Plumber?

Mr. Richardson: Are you going on beta?
Lamar: That's like asking a skunk if he's gonna stink.

I'm sure there are some Indians that are related to some Asians.

Mr. Richardson: Lamar, if you don't get on Spanish it's gonna be on.
Dani: Like Donkey Kong?

He ate too much chocolate and it went to his head.

Are you going to the annual staff or the annual meeting?

Dani: Can I ask a stupid question?
Alexis: No, that's my job.

I'm smarter than my grades.

Jessie: Mom said drive carefully and don't kill me.
Jacob: I'll be careful, careful to clean up afterwards.

I'll put a radioactive chip in your dog, where he'll blow up or something.

Lamar: You suck at that game.
Mr. Richardson: You suck at Spanish.

Look at that. You hit "translate" and it translates for you.

Pick that chair up... Pick that chair up unless you want to wear it!

Dayton: You're taking 3 sciences?
Jessica: Dayton, you've already figured that out 3 times this year!

Cool, we get to torture yogurt!

[After finding out that we got a flat tire on a mission trip]
Either Yacob or Yaniel should have brought a spare yire,...(YIDIOTS!)

I'm just picking with Jacob. I have no idea what I'm talking about.

I was smart til the sixth grade. Then it got hard.

Coach Davis: Use your calculator. It will help you find the answer. Unless you're like Bates and you can't use it.
Bates: Huh?
Henry: He said you were an idiot.

You're socially deprived.

We got krunk fans. We got krunk fans.

Adam: If I lose my hand will you help me build a mechanical one?
Jaime: Yeah.
Adam: Okay, just making sure.

Jacob: you know, every time you type 'Y' i think of 'and' in spanish :D
Jessica: you dork.
Jacob: i shall quote that

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money.

Well, since I'm close to the size of the ballistic gel dummy, I have to go shop for a bra. Thus making my family proud.

High explosives and electricity! WOOO!!!

Yeah, I have five periods in here. And yet I still don't get anything done.

If you see an apocalyptic tornado coming, follow the yellow-brick road to the end. Go in to the green city and ask the big old man... for a brain.

Corey: [singing incoherently]
Mr. Richardson: Corey, your voice hurts me like a hangover.

Corey: I love you, Jacob.
Jacob: That's... disturbing.

Spinning the spinny thing on Mr. Richardson's desk
Mr. Richardson: Do you want that to end up in your digestive tract?
Olivia: Not really.
Samantha: Do you have a force-feeding a machine?
Mr. Richardson: Who said it was going in the front?

***Jalba slaps EA
***Jacroe stabs EA
Jalba: XD
***ElementAlchemist stabs Jalby and Jacroe
***Jacroe kicks EA
Jacroe: with steel-toed boots
Jalba: O_O
***ElementAlchemist stabs Jacroe with a shoe
***ElementAlchemist stabs Jacroe with a boot
***Jalba makes EA eat said shoe
***Jalba makes EA eat said boot
***Jacroe makes EA eat Potter
***ElementAlchemist forcefeeds Jalby the half-digested shoe and boot
Jalba: O_O
ElementAlchemist: :O
Jalba: :O
ElementAlchemist: NO POTTER :(
Jalba: i wanna eat Pottar!
Jalba: i mean
Jalba: noooooooooooo :'(
Potter is now known as smoothie

Pay no attention to the moving fingers.

Nicola: I personally disliked American Beauty. I loved the soundtrack, but I found it a bit disturbing and boring. I get why people love it, but it's not really my cup of tea.
Tachyon: You watch your movies in tea cups? :O
Tachyon: That is so cool.
***Tachyon is envious.

Move your foot before I break it and hand it to you.

Lobster tastes like an expensive chicken.

I'm stuffed. I need dessert.

Desperate measures call for desperate times.

You're scratching my armpit, and it kinda feels good.

Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! It's the stupid alert!

Bates: This music is depressing and makes me want to kill myself.
Mr. Richardson: So turn up the volume.

The good computer, you know the one in the middle, I think it's gonna die.

My throat's confusing me.

Lamar: "Do you wish to format?" Yes. Wait, what does that do?
Jacob: It deletes everything off of it.
Lamar: NO!!! STOP!!!

If I'm not back in 5 minutes, just wait longer.

It [National Guard trailer] looks scary. They should put ponies on it.

My feet smell just as bad as hers, only better.

Be quiet or else you'll have that pop test tomorrow that you don't know about yet.

School: It's just a daycare for big kids.

Make the door click.

When people are laughing, they're generally not killing one another.

Anyone who doesn't take truth seriously in small matters cannot be trusted in large ones either.

Applause waits on success.

My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.

Man, last year that math test was hard. Most of them were like, A bird is flying south. A train heads East traveling 50 mph. What day is it?

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

Don't talk to me, I have to pee.

DanT: you still have my wallet you jerk ! :P
DanT: yeah see , horrible. criminals always return to the scene of the crime haha
brandonk: incorrect
brandonk: the earth has moved in space since then
DanT: dang you brandon!
brandonk: we are far away from the same place
DanT: you best me again
***brandonk takes your new wallet

How many weeks are in a year? 36?

Alexis: I'm gonna just gonna put a little note here saying that I'm not doing well.
Mr. Richardson: You don't have to do that. They know.

Nicola: you are such a large piece of cheese
mode (+o pete ) by ChanServ
pete: (unrelated btw!)
Nicola: leave the topic alone
pete: you know me too well :(
mode (-o pete ) by ChanServ
Nicola: unfortunately

Jacroe: Hey, guess what I got in my email?
TFMF: spam?
Jacroe: Yeah, by "Region's Bank". I don't even have an account at Regions.
Jacroe: But...
Jacroe: It was from update@yahoo.com
Jacroe: And from the IP that they most graciously gave me, they're from Plano, TX
ElementAlchemist: PHISHING
gladstone: I did that once.
gladstone: Caught two trout
ElementAlchemist: XD

Nicola: I am going to spend money tomorrow
Nicola: on wood shavings
Nicola: and a jacket
Nicola: what I am going to do with them is secret..
Jacroe: world domination?
ElementAlchemist: XD

Snake Lady: There are no stupid questions Mike.
Mike Rowe: I have a whole book of stupid questions.
Snake Lady: Is that your diary?

Dad: My bologna has a first name. It's O-S-C-A-R
Jacob: Dad!
(2 mins later)
Dad: They were Kung-fu fighting! Hi-yah!

Uncle Phil: Oh Will, we all got caught up in our excitement and forgot about your news.
Will: Oh, um, I bought a monkey.

Kari: On a scale of 1 to 10 how much was the electrocution pain?
Tory: 211

That is a foul in sooooooooo many different countries!

You stepped on my foot you overgrown pig sty!

Don't break the hanger! I need it. My family is poor.

I can't look at your phone anymore; I'm getting sea-sick.

It's like a dad-burn aerobic exercise!

I made a boat in church the other day.

You ever notice how the Trix rabbit and Lucky the leprechaun are like the yin and yang of breakfast cereals? One's always trying to get the cereal from the kids, and the other's trying to keep the cereal from the kids. Deep, man.

I can do anything you can do better!

Plug in your values. Plug it in, plug it in.

Jacroe: guidlines
php-bot: are you smoking crack?
Jacroe: no
php-bot: wish i knew
Jacroe: dork
php-bot: I'm not sure, is it larger than a breadbox?

Ladybugs are invading the earth!!!

Nicky: I have a sneezy problem.
Dr. Dillard: Yeah, she has a sneezy problem.

Dr. Dillard: I'm waiting for these two to tune in.
Eric: I'm tuned.

I'm gonna pick these up before Bates eats them.

Celebrate!

Shoot, I'd be a merman for her!

It's like a bad skittle!
(10 mins later)
It's an even worse skittle!

(looking through the mail)
Crap. Crap. Crap. Hey, $29.99!

Jon: Nonagon?
Jacob: Nine [sides]
Jon: What's a "ten-agon"?

Christianity, if false, is of no importance, and if true, of infinite importance. The only thing it cannot be is moderately important.

Christianity, if false, is of no importance, and if true, of infinite importance. The only thing it cannot be is moderately important.

A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, 'darkness' on the walls of his cell.

Roses are red, violets are blue; I'm schizo, and so am I.

I wrote my name on this table. I know it was during my drinking days, because I forgot where I wrote it.

So's your face.

Oh, the C is silent.

Everything else flows like liquid mercury down a..a... sloping... thing.

Your mom goes to college.

Tina, you fat lard, come get some dinner!

Michael: You're a retard.
Wiley: Well, you're a raccoon.

Jacob: ?Como te llamas? (Asking what your name is in Spanish)
Eric: What'd you call me?